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| Tuesday, October 10, 2006 |
| Rules to live by at Halloween |
It's getting closer to Halloween, and it's never too early to start practicing your survival skills! Here are a few tips to help you get through this potentially dangerous season.
When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house, move away immediately. Don't even go inside to pack. Hire moving professionals for that. Let them take the risks.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not know, or if they speak to you using a voice that is other than their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run.NOTE: It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared and stay the course. Reload immediately.
When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it alone.
As a general rule, don’t solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other house of the dead.
If you're searching for something that caused a noise and find out that it's only the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life. Leave the cat behind, just in case.
If any appliances start operating by themselves, move out. Preferably several states away.
Do not take *anything* from the dead. No matter what they promise. No exceptions!
If you find a town that looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, including those listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Indiana.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. (Cell phones have made life safer. Make sure yours is charged. Do not drive into areas without adequate coverage.)
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any device made from deceased companions.
I hope this helps!
Hugs,
Liddy
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posted by Liddy Midnight @ 2:34 PM  |
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Too funny, Liddy!!!